Longing & Sorrow

Maybe it's just me, but what is there not to love about spring? My goodness, and not just the beautiful color and scent of the blooming trees, or the precious new green unfurling on the stark winter branches, not just the longer days or the birds singing their sweet mating calls, but the feeling...  oh the feeling! ...of hope, and renewal, and the flat-out gratefulness at just being alive, and the privilege of witnessing such an exquisite happening.

For long moments I forget the sorrow. I forget the regrets, the worries, the out-and-out fears. I forget the lack of energy, the terrible pain that wakes me sometimes in the middle of the night. the doom that so often accompanies my first waking moment. I forget my aging body and limitations, that I can never eat chocolate again, or cheese, can never drink another margarita - all of these if I truly care about my health, that is. I forget to miss my garden, Hawaii, the dolphins, the butterflies that are almost nowhere to be found anymore.

But what I don't forget, what is impossible to forget, is the longing that spring awakens in me. The hunger to live completely and fully. To meet life with an open and tender heart. To let her soften the hardened edges, relax the habitual guard. Spring helps me remember that anything, anything is possible... I mean, just look around... if these trees can blossom again (especially after years of drought!), surely I can... surely our world can, and in the quiet roar, the secret longings of my being come up for air, the ones that I can barely speak much less entertain, that most of the time remain hidden, safely locked away, though what good they are there I will never know, you know the ones, that set you on fire, make you feel giddy all over, and scare the hell out of you...  all at the same time.

Surely, you know the ones... !


Joyful Spring Equinox
With Love...