I worked on this photo for hours last night. A great shot I got walking Jasper around the neighborhood yesterday morning... there it was, the lone bloom on its bush, and I shot it just seconds before the rain came and I had to pull the camera under my sweatshirt to keep it from getting wet.
Hmm... side thought: Interesting wordage... the verb, to shoot... you can shoot a deer or a bird or a person and end its life, yet shooting something with a camera preserves it forever.
I must have been feeling pretty good last night, not like this morning, with the sick knot in my belly, the free-floating anxiety, the sour, dour, the who do you think you are you're no artist look at the art all these other people create that you try and fail to emulate why do you even bother you'll never be them you'll never be an artist blah blah blah running laps in my brain. I wonder as I write how it is that my own mind, housed inside my own body, fed as it is by my own heart, can unleash itself so unmercifully onto its own being? How is it I can go to bed thinking I'd created something pretty cool, then wake up this morning, take one look at it, and decide it's a piece of shit? Or that I wake up to the sun shining for the first day in many, and feel worse than I've felt in weeks?
I'm thinking none of it makes sense. I mean none of it. Ever. I'm thinking it's all random, happenstance, meaningless. I'm thinking there's no rhyme, no reason. Oh! and speaking of rhyme, I've been thinking about trying some haiku. Wouldn't haiku be great set to some images? And perfect for this particular double Gemini with greater than usual concentration issues... all those words to play with, but short, sweet, over quickly, then on to the next. Hmm... (and by the way, I know pretty much nothing about Haiku except that it's three lines, 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables, PLUS I don't know if I even remember how to count syllables)...
... but let's see:
senseless random world
we wander we float we cry
each moment born new
Or
double gemini
explodes with heartache and grief
plays with words and sounds
Or
energy shifting
magical words fill the air
peace for weary souls
Though I just read that traditional Haiku is supposed to be about nature (plus, non-rhyming, so never mind "speaking of rhyming..."). Okay, I can do that... Here's a snapshot I took the other day up in my old neighborhood in Sonora. Dogwood, probably my favorite spring tree, all the more because we so rarely see them here in the bay area. This one a small tree, just beginning to bloom the prettiest, most exquisite shade of yellow. Then in post processing, doing what I think I'm going to end up loving most, transforming it with a nice "painterly" effect. (And funny, I still like this one this morning... )
Okay, here goes~
Innocent blossom
greets the tender sun-filled day
selflessly giving
Aloha nui,
Debby
I've been reading your blog for awhile now, can't recall now how I found you but I feel you're a kindred spirit of sorts. all winter long, during the worst of the darkest winter days I kept my head above the water, feeling really great and not judging my photos. even liking them sometimes. then bam! these past couple of weeks the green monster shows its face - I don't like anything I do. I'm a loser. the feeling of dread about everything and anything. I don't even want to get out of bed. why bother? It's all overwhelming anyway and the photos I see everyone else taking are so good, I could never ever be that good. phhhttt.
ReplyDeleteI am sort of kind of coming out of the fog. but it was dense and it was deep and it was bad. I don't want to believe that the reason your words ring so true for me is because misery loves company, because I truly don't want anyone else to be as miserable as I can be at times. it's just nice to know that someone else gets what it's like to be humming along for a good long time and then crash. all fall down. with no apparent reason for it.
I truly do like your work Debby. I find myself wishing I was this good. check out Basho's haiku. or Wang Wei.
have a really great week.
Ms. Becky - I always look so forward to your comments. Thanks you so much. Yes, misery loves company, but even more, it's so nice to know that it's not just me, that so much (if not all) of what I experience is on some level universal (and therefore actually rather impersonal.) Thanks for sharing your experience, and for your really nice and kind words about my blog and photos. Isn't it amazing how it hits out of nowhere... maybe kind of like a virus (!). In a few days, hopefully, the fever and delirium will have passed... We can only hope :)
ReplyDeleteHope you enjoy your day.