Celebrating 100 !!

Wow. I can’t really believe it. One hundred Musings posts…

It’s pretty amazing to me. It started in June, 2009, a couple of months before I left for Moloka’i, when someone suggested I might want to write about the experience of retreating so far off the beaten path for such a long time. Somewhere I’d never stepped foot. Somewhere that I went on gut trust and okay, let’s face it, no small amount of desperation. My life had crumbled around me, I was struggling to survive, and a small, non-touristy island in the middle of the Pacific sounded like the perfect haven to retreat, to lick my wounds, and hopefully, begin some serious healing. (And indeed it was… read some about the sacred island here)

I wasn’t a blog follower, and I had no idea even how to create one. My oldest daughter taught me how to use Blogspot, and Musings was born. The blog quickly became more than just a place to record my time on Moloka’i. Like all creative endeavors, this one took on a life of its own, and became a place I could go to record, reflect, and process through all that life brought my way. It became the place where I found and then learned to trust my own voice, where I returned to myself again and again, where I took risks with telling my truth, where I poured out the depths of despair and the thrill of joy, where I met inspiration and light and dark and the unknown and courage and fear and tenderness; and where in my writing, in the gamble of putting out there all that I was going through, I was met with beautiful love and understanding and acceptance and support and encouragement. Though the real and only point was getting it out and getting it down, the bonus, the frosting on the cake, was that there were (are) some folks out there that actually liked what I wrote, that maybe were moved or intrigued or provoked or inspired, and truthfully, I would write and blog even if not one soul ever read it, but it’s that much more gratifying that at least in a small circle, it’s been well received and enjoyed.

But of course, there was the secret blog desire that I never voiced. That I would be “discovered,” that I would one day wake up to find that I had been chosen as a Blogger of Note, that my “followers” would rise exponentially from one moment to the next, that they would beg for more, and that I would rocket instantly to the blogger hall of fame… maybe get a book deal… and on and on… oh my. Tongue partially in cheek, right, and yet, isn’t there that part of most of us that yearns or hopes for some sort of bigger recognition? Or is it just me? And all the stuff in the tenth house of my natal astrology chart, the stuff that points to a bigger public life than I’ve so far managed to manifest?

These little fantasies—dreams?—could be embarrassing, or they could be sweet. Today I’m opting for sweet. Same goes when I look back at my very first post (click here if you’re curious!). The honesty, the vulnerability is touching. That first post, as with just about every post, I had no idea what I would write, where it would go, if it would go. I was flabbergasted when all those words found themselves onto the page. And actually made some sense. Since then, surprisingly, blogging itself has become routine. But what is never routine, what knocks my socks off each and every time is how I sit before a blank screen one minute, and sometime later, be it minutes or hours, now and then days, one word at a time, something that did not previously exist is birthed. Somehow, between the first word and the last, something unexpected and quite magical happens; something that feels very much out of my hands, that I could not plan or execute through will alone, and that pretty much astounds me each time. (Not to mention the processing that happens between the lines, and how something so often shifts internally in the telling; the embarking, the journey, the arrival somewhere new.)

And that is perhaps my greatest joy with blogging. (Even if I had a thousand followers :)  That it gives me the reason, the form, the space, to watch and participate in this amazing creative process again and again. And also another big thing… Post Number One Hundred gives me a chance to say thank you to those of you who have faithfully followed along; who take the time to read, and when you’re moved to, to respond, who not only have not been shocked by the sometimes rawness of my words and nakedness of my feelings, but have so generously reached back with kindness and acceptance and support; those of you who have let me know how much you enjoy the writing, have fed back when it’s been thought or otherwise provoking; to everyone who’s ever read or continues to read or is new on board, I’m truly grateful and humbled that there’s even one of you…

I thought I’d include my latest photo, “Growing Strong,” both the original and the “photoshopped” versions. Just like the writing, where it’s one word at a time, here in post processing, it’s one step, one layer, level, filter, texture, and something completely new and unique comes into existence.

The joys of creating…

Before~

After~

Thank you all so much again...

All Peace & Love,
Debby